How Did This Happen?

I have friends. I do. I know I'm the nerdy girl who reads in the corner a lot of the time but I have friends. My main group of friends or as we call our selves squad. My squad is made up of a random yet perfect group of insanity. This may or may not be copying completely but I loved the idea too much not to. I'm going to nickname my friends by book characters from, you guessed it, Harry Potter.  Hopefully these friends of mine will be able to figure out who they are because (not the sharpest needles in the haystack (JUST KIDDING ILYSM)).

my dysfunctional yet functional friend family

Dean Thomas

Lily Potter

Remus Lupin

Seamus Finnigan

Katie Bell

Draco Malfoy

Minerva McGonagall

Ron Weasley

Cho Chang

I'm in that midst as well, incase you were wondering. I take what I said back, you guys won't figure out who's who. Sorry. I probably won't explain it either. Not sorry. About half of these people I met under two months ago. And how I've grown to love these people and need these people so much it scares me. I've shared so much with these people I feel so much more connected to them than I have anyone else. These people make me feel completed. They will always give me a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a leg up, arm candy (the girls are much more attractive), a chest to punch, or a pillow of a thigh. These people care. They're some of the only people that do. I love them so much. All of them in their own unique way make this group a functioning friend group and I thank them for it everyday. 

Okay I might start crying if I keep writing about that so... let's talk about my day yesterday.

Yesterday was a really tough day. If you don't know or haven't heard, yesterday was the day Alan Rickman passed away. I found out on Instagram about thirty seconds after I woke up and I started crying. I realized I still had to go to school and stopped. I got dressed, I brushed my teeth, I packed my bag and I still had 30 minutes before I had to go to school. I thought too much and almost began crying again. Almost. I went into school unhappy. I organized the library books and was still not feeling any better (I love organizing bookshelves). I went to AP Geography and I did something that actually made me happy. I searched in google "wolfstar tumblr"

from tumblr

and that was the ONLY thing that made me even remotely happy. Then I went on Instagram and my ENTIRE FUCKING FEED WAS ALL ABOUT ALAN AND IT DIDN'T FUCKING HELP AND I'M PISSED. FUCKING PISSED. Then I saw a photo of Alan with the comment "When I'm 80 years old and sitting in my rocking chair, I'll be reading Harry Potter. And my family will say to me 'After all this time?' And I will say, 'Always.'" And I broke down. He never made it to 80. I'll never forget that. I remember reading that quote years ago and I said "That is so ME!" and now it'll never be him either. It just hurts and nothing makes sense right now. He made such an impact on my life that I just can't see straight. It's not okay. Nothing is okay.

I'm done. It's going to be okay. It's not right now but it will be.

--Sheiny